"I'm cool, you suck."

Well *coughs* I'm Kiyo and this time, I'll be the one posting stuffs 'bout this "derp" dude I've met while DMS-ing. It started like this actually. My previous crew leader, who was leading the crew got dc'ed (disconnected) and her crown was thrown to me automatically and so, I decided to recruit other people as well since some of our crew members left and went offline.

I happened to recruit this "dude" (the name is roverbend- something something.) and he was acting a bit cocky. I couldn't care less and then, I saw my crew leader, so I recruit her back.
And while we were farming, this derp dude kept on charging towards the monsters, trying to solo them all by himself.

Now I hate n00bs who likes to act like they're real tough. I don't care if you wanna solo those monsters if your CL is higher than the monster's CL. But this derp dude's CL is lower than the monster's and yet he wanna act like a hero.

When he reached the 2nd screen in the first area, he was practically trying to kill all the monsters one by one without resting. He got all my crew members dazed and he still wanna say that my crew sucked. I would have slapped him if my hands could go through the laptop screen. Seriously.

If you wanna crew with me, or maybe Poe and Connie, stop acting like you're a hero or acting all high and mighty and being cocky. If you wanna solo, fine. Do it if your CL is higher than the monsters. Otherwise, screw yourself and go do the soloing without a crew.

ღ kiyo ღ

Keep that cool

Okay, it's been a few days. On top of my procrastinating nature, it was my 18th birthday on the 22nd.

 *cue ballons, streamers, and annoying party favors*

So, yeah. Finally legal. I can watch R-rated movies now (in theory. Mum is is still a over-conservative stickler), I could technically go buy some cigs....technically but I'd still get in trouble if I did. So much for being an adult. >.>

I have two cases of n00b-ery and ass-hat-ary to report today. One was from a few days ago and the other was from yesterday.....or today if you're in the Western hemisphere. I'm in Thailand so it's already tomorrow for me. (greetings from the future ;3) I'm not really going to say anything about toughcarlos since he was just your average retard that couldn't follow instructions but Lizzie-ho was a special kind of idiot.

Ah yes, Littleliz345. Or something like that. Remember that this was a few days ago. Connie, and three other cool people, the annoying ho, and I were starting a new run in DMS. To buff up properly, we have to reach level 4 rage for every rings. That takes some time to achieve when you're not actually playing yet and we were chatting while we were raging. For some reason, Lizzie-ho (as I like to call her in my head) refused to talk to any of us even when we tried to include her in the rage convo and sat near the entrance to the first cave in sulky silence.

I'll be the first to admit that I talk a lot when I have a good crowd of friends and cool people to chat with. But I don't just talk nonsense while doing nothing useful. For some reason, it takes me a bit longer than anyone else to rage the same way as it takes a lot more attacks to get my stamina down. While I was finishing up the last ring I needed to rage, Lizzie-ho got in my face for talking while raging.

"PPoe.(that's my username officially even though everyone calls me Poe. It's like someone calling you Isabella even though you prefer to be called my your nickname Bella), can we get started already?"

I was like, excuse me? I already said when we first entered the caves that I take a bit longer to rage for some reason and everyone else said it was fine. I had just finished my last ring before she said that so it wasn't because we were sitting doing nothing.

So were charged the room and took out some vamps really quickly. It was a strong crew and I was the main aggro so we killed them off easily and I took the brunt of the attacks (Which was fine since I did all the healing). Since it was such a cake walk, we continued with our conversation between attacks. All of us were having a jolly conversation. All of us were joshing around between attacks. All of us. (I hope I'm not being too subtle here) My point is, I was not the only one cracking jokes and yet she directed the scorn at me.

"PPoe, I know you like to talk but fight some too."

This comment offended me. Greatly. I told her so as well.

"I'm the one keeping ya'll asses alive. Notice how no one has dazed yet."

I'm the one healing their asses, taking most of the hits, AND fighting too and the little bitch is addressing me like I was leeching.  Connie was on my side as well.

"Poe's taking all of the hits. We rarely get attacked since she's aggro."

And when I moved in to attack the werewolf, She got in my face again!.

"PPoe, I know you have high stamina all the time (implying that I never used any because I never did anything) but let the us rest."

If this was said without any previous snide remarks, I would have taken it lightly. It's true that no matter how many times I attack, my stamina rarely goes under 40%. It's true. But to say that I'm not doing anything even though it's MY crew, I'm the leader, that I'm letting everyone else do the dirty work, that was just plain rude.

I was starting to contemplate kicking her from the crew but  figured that would be petty of me; She wasn't leeching and from what I could tell, her attacks did pretty decent damage. I let it slide for the most part but I stopped talking. That is a scary thing, when I stop talking. It's like the calm before a tornado. Like the dramatic pause in a horror movie before the killer finds his victims and hacks everyone's ass up.

We cleared the bottom cave and were moving onto the next one but we had to rebuff. It's universally excepted everywhere that after clearing a room, you rebuff for the next room. And once again, I had slow raging. Cue irritating comments about talking and waiting.

Lizzie-ho:"Can we start already?"

Connie:"You're so impatient"

Me: (in a peacemaker fashion)"Let's all calm down. Liz, we're raging again."

Lizzie-ho: "I can't tell the difference between raging and talking." (ditches the crew)

I was sooooooooo mad. My anger level was over 9000! I mentally called her every bad name I could think of in every language I knew. Ohhhh that bitch was so asking for it. And she's going to get it. She's going to get it worse than anyone else ever again.

Method of demise:

-Gets lost in a tropical rainforest that she was visiting with friends.

-Her friends don't bother looking for her since they were getting annoyed by her.

-After several hours of wandering, she falls into a pit filled with crawling leeches.

-The leeches latch onto her and suck her blood but don't do any damage beyond extreme pain.

-After several days in the leech pit, she dies of starvation

I could probably think of worse if I wasn't already bored with typing this post.

~Poe

Hey you! No, not YOU, him. Shut up, I'm not talking to you! Part 2

 This one is going to be shorter partially because I was dozing off when this guy came and partially because.....well. I'm lazy. One update a day is already a stretch for the procrastinator in me.

No lengthy descriptions this time, because he didn't really make me mad more than he irritated me. Connie and Sasha had already left so I had no one to screw around with anymore and then comes this little punk that keeps asking what he needs while we're trying to figure it out for him. We're actually helping him and he's still acting like a fag.

Just shut up and it'll go faster, man. Srsly.

Method of demise:

-Kicked off of Gaia for being an all around pain in the arse.

-Kicked out of school/college/work for same reason above.

-Assaulted by a hobo desperate for a drink and a smoke.

-Shanked by some punk kid running away from home.

-Left in ditch by same kid as above.

And I never want to see you or your name in my general vicinity ever again. Ever.

~Peo
Darn it!
Poe

Hey you! No, not YOU, him. Shut up, I'm not talking to you! Part 1

*Sigh* Where do I begin? How would anyone begin? How do I begin to explain just the first part of this steaming pile of unadulterated, hardcore FAIL?

I'll begin at the beginning.

I logged into Gaia, updated my avatar into my cutest outfit (that also had a cow plushie ;P Connie, Sasha, hold back those tears of mirth), and chatted up Connie about starting a crew.

Connie was just ditching some idiotic crew (which she should really post about since I feel like I'm doing all the work. *nudgenudge winkwink coughcough* AM I BEING TOO SUBTLE??), and we thought that surely we could round up a group of non-n00bs from our stock of pwn-some friends. And we were right. At least to a point.

Sasha was there at the gate, which was a relief since it's easier to crew with three people already in the group. I dunno why but two just doesn't get anyone motivated. Anyways, after Sasha got in, we almost had to beat the rest off with a stick.

Me: "DMS 3 spots. No N00bs."

All the rest of the players in the area: "ME! CREW ME! No, crew meeehh. Oh, Poe, plzzz add me."

And I was like "Oh hewlz naww. Bishes back up; I distinctly remember saying no n00bers."

I ended up crewing two people that were okay and then.......him. I take all the blame for recruiting him, of course; I should have done some screen testings, CAT scans, ink-blot tests, and an actual conversation first. But I didn't. And I plagued us with him.

Takeda Ninja.

I'm not sure if that's exactly how he formatted his username but that is exactly how you say it. And I really should have known. It really was an oversight. Any loser that has the word "ninja" in his or her name is a fapping otaku weeabo idiot. And that's would've been perfectly fine if he wasn't also a fapping otaku weebo idiot that can't read or follow obvious instructions.

Jesus H. Christ taking body shots off of Mary Magdalene in a bar on Sunday, it's not like we were typing in Sanskrit! I had Sasha doing the buff assigns (since buff assign is one of the many things that I fap up epically every-time I try. Like frying fish and riding a bike.) and the moment she got to Takeda Ninja, it was like a deaf person in Russia trying to communicate to a blind person in Where-the-heck-istan through Native American smoke signals.

(approximately the same spelling errors as the original for maximum hilarity)

Sasha: "I see you still have the same crappy buffs you always have on. : / "

Takeda: "Oh, right. I'm sorry. Wat should I get."

Sasha: "(Insert buffs that I can't remember)"

Takeda: "OK" *doesn't go to null to change rings*

Sasha: "Go change your buffs!"

Takeda: "Yes. buffs. I have Iron and Dense."

Sasha: "I told you to change those already. Go change them. We already have those."

Takeda: "OK." *doesn't even move*

Sasha: *headdesks repeatedly* "If I had lead I would kick you right now."

Takeda: "Sorry. Wat buffs." *doesn't go anywhere*

Me: "Sasha I've given you the crown lol"

You get the gist of it. I'm sure Sasha was inventing creative ways to flay him alive but if she was, she didn't share with me.

Takeda Ninja. Drop dead. Please. Pretty please. Heck, you don't even have to make it pretty, just die.

Method of demise:

- Internet virus somehow mutates the werewolves of DMS into real creatures that force themselves through his computer to shred him to pieces.

-His body is then ravaged by aforementioned werewolves that also happen to be into homohomo buttsecks.

-His mother finds his body and is so disgusted that she saves him further humiliation by setting him and his computer on fire.

The End. Enjoy your afterlife, moron. Come back as a cockroach and fulfill your true calling.

~Pie
Poe

(oooohhhh this one was really mean...)

The First to Die

Since I spent some time making the blog, I actually don't remember the names of the chicks that inspired us to make this DeathNote in the first place. One was something like demon-hostess-cereal-wife (IDK for realz), another was something like titty-bopper4311. Maybe I should get Connie in to edit the names....

In any case, they need to go die in a ditch. There were at least four of them and I want them dead like this:

-Dropped in vat of boiling acid
-Given paper-cuts all over their nasty faces
-Rolled around in lye
-Held up to a mirror to watch and the acid and lye melt their faces off
-And have pictures taken and posted on their facebooks

I am a vindictive mother-fluffer.

~Poe

Rage Quit

Connie, Kiyo, and I are members of Gaiaonline; that's where we met. We like playing the MMO available call zOMG! and really hate it when we're trying to form up a team but all the other players around us are, to use the over-used internet term, n00bs.

Ah, yes. N00bs. The bane of anyone's existence when they are just trying to play a stinkin' game. Just one little game. You go in, prep up so you don' get killed off instantly, kill some friggin' monsters, and get the hell out. HOW HARD IS THAT? How fucking hard is it to follow the leader's instructions and not be a pain in the ass?

Connie and myself have rage-quit at least twice already today and as I type this, she is trying to get a crew up yet again. After the first two times, after I held myself back from stabbing everything in sight with a kitchen knife, and setting fire to my desk, we agreed that making an online Deathnote would be psychologically soothing.

So here it is, the first post of our hit-list. This is going to be an on-going list of people that severely tick us off and the descriptions of how we want them to die. If you're not into rage, mass homicide, suicidal urges, MMOs, internet slang, or angry girls, GTFO now 'cause we sure are not going to stop for you.

~Poe